The Adventures of Wal Mart and Beyond
by BlinkWolf67
Summary: What's a sober Dean to do when a Drunk Sam takes him into Wal Mart?Not a Deal fic.Oneshot.


**My Mad attempt at Humor…enjoy!**

**xXx**

"Hey Dean…hehehe…Dean?!" Sam giggled joyfully.

Dean clenched his jaw and his shoulder tensed, liquor and its affects be damned.

"What." He practically growled out from the driver's seat as Sam rolled around oddly on the passenger side.

"I like you!" He said in that funny guys voice, what was his name? Oh yeah, Borat, they had watched it last night…and Sam said he thought it was stupid.

"I thought you hated that movie?" Dean smirked, knowing a drunk mans words were a sober mans thoughts.

"Ohh…It wasn't THAT bad! I liked his funny accent! Ehh, King of the Castle!" Sam did the same little dance in his own seat before he broke into a fit of giggles.

Dean grinned and chuckled, o.k. Sam's birthday was a little funny. Although it would have been better if he was also aloud to drink as much as his brother. Sure he was buzzed, but Sam had uncharacteristically drank up the hard liquor…and an occasional Appletini. He could be such a girl.

"PULL OVER!" Sam shouted loudly and nearly landed on top of Dean as he grabbed at the steering wheel.

He slammed on the breaks and pulled over into the large parking lot his brother was pulling the steering wheel toward. He shoved Sam off and growled at him angrily.

"What the hell's your problem?! You wanna get us killed?!" Dean shouted, but his effort was fruitless as Sam fiddled with the door.

Sighing he looked out the window at what Sam was so interested in, his gut clenched in nervousness and his eyes widened in fear …it was Wal Mart.

"Aw, hell no! No playing in Wal Mart for Sammy after midnight!" Dean scrambled to grab Sam as he opened the door…only for Sam to fall out with a thud on the asphalt.

Dean rolled his eyes and cursed as he opened his own door and rushed to the other side, he knew he had to get Sam back in before it was too late, before he started toward the dreaded store and it's pure evil inhabitants.

"Hey Sammy, why don't we just go back to the motel, sleep this off, huh?" Dean went to grab his stumbling brother, who was half walking, half trying to get up.

"Wally World! Hehehe! Hey! Lets go get starbursts Dean! And you…you can get some more liquor, it's my birthday Deannnn!!" Sam tripped his way towards the entrance, Dean sighing as he followed helplessly.

"Fine, five minutes Sam! Five minutes for me to grab somethin' to drink, then we're gone!"

Sam giggled joyfully then stumbled in the sliding doors, running into one then carrying on as if nothing happened. Two teenagers eyed him before turning and grinning at Dean, flashing him a thumbs up.

He rolled his eyes and followed his brother, eyeing the half dead workers, much too shiny floor and all those stupid ass smiles. Sam stumbled down the large aisle, stopping and swaying as he read each sign slowly, stating all the items in each aisle before moving on.

"Soda, uhh! It's pop damn it! Ain't it Dean?!" Sam turned to him with a dead serious expression, except the glazed eyes and tongue sticking out in deep concentration.

"Yeah, sure Sammy, come on, lets just go find the liquor and Starbursts." Dean sighed and looked around with a one eyebrow raise.

"Oh, right! Mkay, Soda, Candy…Oh, that's it!" Sam flailed as he tried to run down the aisle, long legs and feet tangling beneath him.

He stopped dead, Dean colliding with him with an "oof!" before shoving him away and grumbling as he eyed the Starbursts.

"Get your damn candy so we can get the hell outta here."

"Hmmm, sour or regular? Oh! Tropical or berry?! SO many choices, which one Dean?!" Sam grabbed one bag of Berry and examined it, clearly fascinated he showed it too Dean in awe.

"I don't frickin' know!...But not Berry." He said quickly.

Sam shrugged and threw the bag over his shoulder, he grabbed a tropical, contemplated for a while until Dean forced a cough then threw that over his shoulder as well.

"Sour it is!" Sam shouted and grabbed the bag, turning toward Dean with a fist of triumph in the air.

"Come on Bigfoot, lets go find the liquor an get outta here." Dean walked out of the aisle, nearly running into an old man with a frail frame, thick glasses and hearing aids who was crawling along.

"Sorry, sir." He muttered an apology.

"WHAT?! What'd you say to me boy?!" The older man yelled, hearing obviously impaired.

"He saidddd he was SORRYY!" Sam yelled, arms flailing with Starbursts intact to show extra emotion.

"Don't you yell at me boy, I was killin' men before you were born!" The man shouted and shook a fist at Sam.

Sam contemplated this for a moment, Dean cocked his head an raised an eyebrow at the statement as well before shrugging and grabbing at Sam.

"Psh, whatever, you're old so I just immediately win." Sam said with a sway and cross of the arms.

He really could be a thirteen year old girl sometimes.

"Why you!" The old man was fuming, probably half drunk himself, Dean started to get worried.

"O.k. boys, why don't we just settle down, sorry sir, we won't bother you again." Dean yanked on Sam's arm, who followed reluctantly. The old man gave Sam a swift kick in the shin as he was pulled away, then scurried off as fast as he could manage.

"Ow! Dean! That old guy just kicked me! I'm so gonna put him in a wheelchair!" Sam tried to pull away but Dean held him back.

"Dude, it's an OLD guy. Leave it. Sam…No!" Dean yanked again and Sam let out a defeated huff.

"Oh! CD's!" Sam grinned, past forgotten as he headed toward the CD's, Dean let out yet another groan and grudgingly followed.

"Hmm, new _Panic! At the Disco_ CD, I've been looking for that. Oh! And _Death cab for Cutie_, good stuff…" Sam pawed through the new CD's and Dean made a distasteful face.

"Who the hell is _Panic! At the Disco_, or _Death Cab for Cutie_? And what the hell kinda names are those? And WHY do you listen to bands with names like those?" Dean questioned as he looked at the odd covers.

"Cause I'm not a weird mullet rocker like you, I'm a modern alternative rock fan…" Sam made a funny face as the usage of big words seemed to confuse him.

"Your pansy ass music is no match for my classic rock, it's friggin' classic rock! Therefore…legendary." Dean said with a smirk.

"I…"

"No more, lets go find liquor." Dean cut him off and grabbed his arm, once again dragging him down the endless aisle, to where he saw the amazing words "Alcoholic Beverages".

Ha, maybe there was a God.

Dean quickly grabbed a bottle of Whiskey and a bottle of Vodka, mine as well have fun while he could.

With that he dragged Sam away from the pillow he was poking and up toward the check out. He put down his three items, having to pry the Starbursts from Sam's hands, and paid for his purchases. The cashier gave him a curious look, but only said goodnight as he headed out.

Sam took yet more persuasion as he flipped gingerly through a magazine, pointing out some Jared Pada-somethin' guy that looked like him.

Once out those dreaded sliding glass doors, Dean growled one more warning at Sam.

"No more Wal Mart while you're drunk, you nearly got us killed by an old man! Got that?!" Dean opened the door and turned to his brother who was looking up at the parking lot light.

"What am I getting?" He slurred.

Dean only clenched his jaw and got in, Sam humming some tune as he did the same.

The drive back was full of Sam singing terribly off key to ACDC, much to Dean's distress.

"I thought you hated ACDC?" He grunted as he pulled into the parking lot.

"Back in Black! Hit the…Oh! I don't mind them now, on a normal bases though…Yes, very much." Sam nodded feverishly.

Dean shook his head and got out, grabbing his groceries and opening the door for Sam, who once again nearly fell out.

"Need to learn how to hold your liquor there Sammy." Dean cracked a grin and Sam gave him the finger.

"It's SAM…Sammy sounds like a grandmothers dog or somethin'." Sam used the Impala to pull himself up, then began to zigzag toward the door.

Dean opened it and both brothers walked in, Sam collapsing on the bed and Dean pulling out his whiskey, taking a wonderful swig.

Sam stuck out a hand, Dean shrugged, it wasn't going to be his headache and guts on the floor the next morning, then handed Sam the Whiskey.

He took a shot, eyes tearing up and tongue sticking out in disgust.

"Yuck! Terrible stuff…" Sam wiped his drool away with a sleeve and turned his attention to his Starbursts.

Dean did a few more shoots, all while silently watching Sam struggle with the Starburst bag. First he attempted gently opening it, to try and prevent them from flying about, for Sam had a tendency of doing that. When that didn't work he tried the teeth, in which he only managed in completely covering the helpless bag in slobber. Dean saw a knife only a mere foot away, but said nothing, this was much to entertaining.

The bag now slick with drool, Sam couldn't get a good grip. Frustration momentarily took over, causing him to throw it harshly at the wall and cross his arms. But Sam was no match for the taste of Sour Starbursts and their allure. Dean watched as he fell off the bed and crawled toward them, grabbing them forcefully, two large hands grabbing each side…then pulling as hard as possible.

Hundreds of Sour Starburst went every which way, the cube like rainbow flying all around Dean.

Where was a unicorn when you needed it?

"Yay!" Sam yelled as he plucked a blue Starburst from the scattered rainbow…and stuck it in his mouth with wrapper intact.

"Don't you usually take those things off?" Dean asked, his own words beginning to slur as the Whiskey began to catch up with him.

"Iama goanana unwrapa it inmy muoff." Sam said, spit going everywhere as I was now fueled by the best kind of energy, Sour Starbursts.

"Uh, did you say, I'm gonna unwrap it in my mouth?" Dean questioned with a one eyebrow raise.

Sam nodded with closed eyes as the world spun around him.

"Hm, lemme try." Dean said and grabbed a red piece of candy that had landed next to him.

His mind was happily buzzing, vision blissfully blurring and skin tingling with numbness.

Tongue and candy wrestled within' each Winchesters mouth, until the wrapper was mostly chewed off rather then taken off, and they chewed happily on the candy.

"Thesee really make your mouf water, huh?" Dean questioned Sam, sho was flailing on the floor.

"Yeah! Like the ocean!"

Dean shrugged and ate another.

"Whatch wanna do Sammy?" Dean questioned as his brother began taking off his shoes.

"Sleep."

"Party pooper." Dean said and threw a piece of candy at his sibling.

"M'tired."

"I'm just startin' too feel good." Dean said with a brow raise at Sam's pouting face.

"Go fine a lady…the clerk looked rather nice."

"…That was a man Sam." Dean scooted away.

"Oh. He was a fine looking man then." Sam shrugged an fell on the floor.

Dean kicked him lightly as he got up, receiving a swat to the legs as he chuckled and headed over toward the counter where he set down his bottle.

Sam fell unconscious moments later, Dean highly consider messing with him…but nah.

He began to take off his jacket, then his shirt,. But when he went for his jeans a small marker shaped object made him stop.

"Oh man, now that's just too easy."

With a grin, he got to work.

**xXx**

The next morning Sam awoke with a headache and queasy stomach, Dean cracked a grin at his little brother as he sat on the bathroom floor, not just for the after affects of a birthday either.

"Did I really try an pick a fight with a crazy old man?"

"Yep."

"And found the male clerk attractive?"

"Yep."

"I told you not too let me into Wal Mart when I'm drunk!"

"As for the sudden male interests?" Dean questioned, biting back laughter.

He only received a Starburst being chucked at his head, then a moment of silence as Sam looked in the mirror to be greeted by a rather carefully drawn mustache.

"Dean!"

This time, a whole handful of colorful Sour Starbursts rained down on Dean as he laughed his ass off.


End file.
